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when it rains, its four [Jul. 24th, 2007|01:33 pm]
[mood |depresseddepressed]

"Mahirap kasi anak ako, kapatid, tita(tito in my case). Pagod na pagod nakong buhayin ang buhay nyo". Those were Claudine's line in her film, Milan. Okay, I'm fast forwarding a bit but this has been my feeling for the longest time. Me being the eldest in the family with so much responsibility. The Tito part will have to wait until my brother's baby is born. I'm not really complaining but I just need to vent for if I won't do this, I don't know what might happen to me. I also feel that I'm all alone in this situation. I know that my mom and some friends are with me but I still feel helpless. It's so hard that I wanna cry and shout.

Today my mom informed me that she was charged 2.2k for a bounced check. I used her account since I don't have one, and most of the time, landlords prefer post dated checks to avoid fake bills. The broker deposited the check even if I had told her that I'll just give her the money instead. In a way, she has the right to do that, for we didn't coordinate with her regarding our balance. As far as I know, I didn't set aside my obligation. I reminded JM and actually thought of settling everything. This is the kind of person I am, paying my obligations first before my wants. My housemate and best friend, JM, told me before that we no longer owe our broker. I just don't know why I got complacent. Now, I will have to settle that more or less 3k plus the 2.2k charges made against my mother's account. I remember paying for everything last May, because JM had no money. Now, it's back again. I'll be 5k poorer come August 3 because of this incident. Too bad because I'll give more than 10k for my lil bro's 1st installment at school. Sending kids to school cost so much now. How I wish they could finish real soon. The biggest problem is, their future won't even be secured even if they graduate because of the dwindling problem our students are now facing.

I've overcome many obstacles in my life but why am I feeling like this now. I feel teary eyed but they wouldn't come out. It's not just money, it's the stress that these all bring, the plans put on hold because of all this.